Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go shorty, it’s your birthday
We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gonna sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday
And you know we don’t give a (care in the world) it’s not your birthday“In Da Club” – 50 Cent
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there Mr. Half Dollar. I don’t know who this shorty character is, but we don’t drink Bacardi, we drink beer. On top of that, it actually is our Birthday, thank you very much. I think you need to spend more time in the Da Brewery instead of in Da Club.
That is neither Barcardi nor Beer. Keep trying Fifty.
Thats right Faithful, Roundhouse is 2 years old!!!!! It seems just like yesterday when Mark said “How hard can it be to start a brewery?” Oh Mark, you ignorant slut. We thought it was a miracle when that first batch of Cowcatcher flowed out of the tap. Now two years later Chuck has brewed between 20 and 100 different beers. The number is probably closer to 20, but who is counting? People take it for granted that there is between 10-14 beers on tap at any given time, but in the beginning there was only two: Cowcatcher and Golden Spike.
It all made sense back then. Ignore the Spike Driver, it is crapping on my point.
Ah, it was simpler times in the beginning. You could use beer algebra to decide your beer drinking. It only took me a week to crack the beer math. Let me tell you how it was done. Cowcatcher is half the beer the Golden Spike is in both alcohol and bitterness. So using my formula I could drink one Golden Spike or two Cowcatchers and safely drive home. If I was feeling frisky I could drink two Golden Spikes or four Cowcatchers and have my wife drive me home. Lastly I could drink three Golden Spikes or six Cowcatchers, be carried home, sleep on the couch, and spend the next day screaming at the kids. I don’t recommend that last option. Here is a video of Mark when he went by his stage name “Jon Reep” explaining beer math back in the day.
Now the beer math has moved up to calculus and every time I think I have cracked the code Chuck comes out with a new beer, or he takes one away. Chuck you are just like those jerks at Costco who get me hooked on some kind of fancy foreign cheese that makes me feel special and then just take it away leaving me hollow inside. Every time I am about to take a sip of a deliciously brewed Roundhouse beer I look up at all those taps and wonder, did I make the right decision for me and my family?
((1-x)*(Cos x -Sin y)) + (2.33/z)+ ahh forget it, I’ll just have the Kombucha.
Take my word for it, don’t try to do the math. You are going to just have to come on in and wish us a Happy Birthday and order a beer based on taste alone. Oh, and by the way, you are not required to give Nate birthday spankings to get your beer. Remember rule #3, stay away from Nate.
Keep on Chugging . . . Responsibly.
By responsibly we mean don’t try and drink 6 Cowcatchers because you will force us to cut you off.